Life in Dual colors

4.25.2011

A beautiful awakening has happend in my soul @ 11:20 AM

hello summer! or rather hello last month of it, yup you've heard right I'm just weeks away from going back to school, hello college life, I may not be ready for you yet, but not to worry, know that I will be gearing up for you soon :) lol

Anyways as you all know it has been 2 months since my last post, well just so you know I have been busting my ass and rolling around in circles trying to make it through my last 2 months of senior year, yup one of the most difficult year ever, srsly PT's why must you come into our lives, anyways with that set aside for the month of april I have made sure to savor my summer like hell ahihi would you believe that we even tried out for a job, well unfortunately we weren't made to serve in the food industry so instead, were here bumming out ahehehe right kat?

Moving on, I've had some issues that I've had to attend to, and out of all that's happend, I'm thankful. I'm thankful that I'm still here and that I'm still standing, yup I know exactly 3 months ago I was out here posting some emotional blogs asking the world to swallow me alive and make me vanish from the face of this wretched earth, and honestly at that time I guess I found that writing was the only means for me to exhale all my ill feelings towards the world and the people that made my life difficult, about the things I hated about myself. I guess that was why I didn't want to write again, I was afraid that I would write about all the inflicted pain and the suffering and it would take me back to those difficult months and I guess I hated being back there.

Going back to being thankful, I am grateful that I'm still here and that I'm still standing, what happend during the last few days of the school year, it crushed me to bits, it like being punched in the gut till your insides bleed, it was like having this small black hole eating you up inside till your empty, and I guess I hated that kind of feeling. and I still remembered how I felt at that time,

"I'm not okay, but I WILL BE. "

When life pulls you down with all the struggles, you have to struggle to stand back up again. And that's what's difficult about it, its standing back up to your feet and trying to face the glistening sun, it easy to just lay on the floor and pretend to be living when in fact your numb to the pain and to the suffering. now 2 months have passed and I guessed I'm getting there, I have this beautiful hooligans making me feel loved everyday and I wouldn't want to have it any other way :) I'm still putting back the pieces of my life, just like a puzzle, it just so happens that its much more difficult to piece back together compared to a plain puzzle.

I'm okay, and I will be better, thank god for all the graces that he's given me.

"Remind me you take broken dreams and turn them into beautiful."