"I just  need a light at the end of the tunnel"

Medical dramas such as Grey's Anatomy, A Gifted Man, Private Practice and ER are total hits both here and in the US. Aside from smokin' hot actors (srsly, who wouldn't want Patrick Demsey as your surgeon, I'll let him operate on me any day) and twisted good storylines, they make the business of saving lives seem so easy. With a whiff of a magical scalpel, a little CPR here, they make the badly clogged artery vanish. An once again, doctor super hero has done it again, he manages to save lives and at the same time get the girl.

They make it seem so easy but in reality, they neglect to mention about true recovery. In all truth and honesty, I am a big fan of these medical dramas. I love Grey's Anatomy, though I havan't really followed it season by season. I loved A Gifted Man, I think it lacked the emotional baggage that Grey's had, and that was why I enjoyed the show so much.

But these past few days have been sort of like a Medical drama series for me and my family. What made it different was it was all real. The fear, the anxiety, the stress induced and the tears shed. Nobody was cueing us to do this, or feel this way. These TV shows neglect to show real emotion, and even the real deal about a patient's recovery. Its always happy endings and foreverafters.

So why am I mentioning these things, not because I'm hating on these commercialized and sensatonalized series, I just want people to know the real score about how it feels to be in the shoes of the patient and the family.

Its hard folks, its excrutiating, painful, overwhelming and many shades more. You have all these kinds of emotions that sometimes its really hard to determine how it really feels like, specially when that person lying in bed is someone you look up to.

Seeing my dad this way is painful. Its hard to see the first man in my life beaten and broken. Rick Castle once said, "its hard seeing your heroes fall". It doesn't really make much sense to me, till now. My dad is SUPERMAN, he could do anything, take me everywhere, make the monsters go away, stop kuya from tugging on my ponytails and make me feel I was the most beautiful and most important princess in the world. I remember how he would stop my tantrums during mass when I was a child; he would carry me and take me out to look at the colorful ballons, and that would make me smile. He is the perfect example of A Renaissance Man, jack of all trades, master of none, but one thing he mastered through the years is being a father to me and my siblings.  He's caring but he never forgets discipline. He regards loyalty and respect highly. And he loves his family and his God dearly. My dad is a virtuos, kind and patient man. Though we argue at times, he never once did say anything that would hurt me. I know very well that everything he says and does is for my own good.

My dad ensures my safety and he would often wait for me to get home from school. Though I'm a grown girl already, I know that he still regards me as her little princess. I miss him terribly and truth be told, though I may act all tough and I put a strong face on, inside my heart is breaking. Just the thought of coming home to an empty house,saddens me deeply. I miss how we would bother each other, and how he and mom would play these petty pranks on each  other. I miss how he would call the whole family to dinner with his boisterous claps. Most of all I miss his presence, his patriarchal presence that commands and controls our household.

I just want my dad back terribly, and I miss him so much that right now, though he's right beside me, I still miss him. I wish I could undo every stupid thing I did that dissapointed him. This is why I'm ticked off with these medical dramas. None of them ever prepared us for reality. They never really showed how hard it was from the other side without scrubs and gloves.